Sunday, July 13th, 2014
Issue: 12   Editor: FlameS


Crew of the Week! Joke

"I don't actually think I suggested a name. The original members had the choice to put forward names, votes were then held to narrow it down until we were left with Event Horizon."

An event horizon is, in general relativity, a boundary in spacetime beyond which events cannot affect an outside observer. In layman's terms, it is defined as "the point of no return," i.e., the point at which the gravitational pull becomes so great as to make escape impossible. An event horizon is most commonly associated with black holes. Light emitted from beyond the event horizon can never reach the outside observer. Likewise, any object approaching the horizon from the observer's side appears to slow down and never quite pass through the horizon, with its image becoming more and more redshifted as time elapses. The traveling object, however, experiences no strange effects and does, in fact, pass through the horizon in a finite amount of proper time.

The Buzz randomly selected a small pool of members and asked the question, "What is an event horizon?" Of which, nearly half gave an answer somewhat similar to Aeneass', "It's the point of no return! Once an 'Event Horizon' occurs (in this case, once you join the crew) it will grasp you and never let you go. Resistance or escape is futile." A quarter of the other members either googled it and responded with a copied and pasted paragraph matching the definition wikipedia gives included above, or admitted to not knowing it. However, interestingly, the last quarter of those asked proudly answered the question with a synopsis to the 1997 science fiction horror film or gave the imdb link.

Regardless of whether the current members know exactly what an event horizon is, Event Horizon is by far one of the best crews alive today, and full with hilarious, entertaining and incredibly interesting members. In 2005, BettyB and Zoltra8 created a new crew following disbandment of The Legion, and with Zoltra leaving for another crew a couple months later, BettyB took over and has been boss of EH since.

DT0X kicked off the welcoming topic in the crew forum for the Buzz's visit with, "I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU THIS BUT WE'RE ALL BEING KEPT AGAINST OUR WILL! SEND HELP!" Following his comment, MsBettyB had the idea for the next facility the crew needed to build, "I think I'm going to need a bigger basement to lock you all in." At that, council member, Doosy jumped at the opportunity and proposed, "For 50 gold I will change the crew name to Auschwitz." and immediately received multiple escrow requests. After Betty's threat, "Hard kicks if the name changes" and DT0X's final quote of "The Iron Lady of the Western world," the welcoming topic in the crew forum resumed and briefly got back to the point to become one of the most humorous, and truly honest welcoming threads the Buzz has ever seen. Replacing the generic, cookie-cutter post of "welcome," the Buzz saw comments such as "Buzz Lightyear to star command, come in star command... Visitor, I have room in my bed for you." by their seemingly infamous councilman, Mason.

When the Buzz got in contact with one of the senior members over an (originally intended upon brief, and simple) night cap, Fuckle had so much to tell this reporter, it eventually turned in to quite a late night of drinking. "I'm impressed with Mason's Buzz Lightyear welcome, to be honest. Didn't even leave any room for us to make fun of him mercilessly, which is quite unusual." Talking about the welcome of the Buzz's visit was just the beginning, but the relentless teasing seemed rampant everywhere within EH and continued even more throughout the night. "I really like EH because the people are fun to joke around with, and I enjoy jokes. I also like that we're always strong and relevant in BL, and that Betty generally doesn't get too angry with me when I'm a fart tornado in GF. Really do wish we could get rid of Mason, though. If I'm a fart tornado, he's a volcano of molten poop that's just constantly erupting."

After it was quickly (and drunkenly) realized the senior member could give even the crew drunkard, Tyn, a run for his money, the (by then) tipsy reporter attempted to wrap up business, but Fuckle went on to explain to the Buzz the Salmon Revolution, "It's impossible for me to keep track of all the people involved with the salmon revolution. It's like Al Qaeda, nobody knows enough to bring the whole thing down on their own. Anyway, it all started when 'Distant Horizon' (and the many other names it had) was still the secondary crew of EH, for the members who couldn't fit into the main crew. As a gang, we could change name and color pretty frequently, and did so. I changed us to the 'Elite Bard' for a while after a fun chat in Tiny, and we'd change the color periodically. Mason hated all of this. He found it to be the single least funny thing that had ever happened, and that made us love it all the more. So one day Aerius suggested we make the color as ugly as possible. Aerius often tries to incite revolution in my inbox. It's an exciting aspect of my BL life. At any rate, most of the ugly colors were taken, but not the ugliest and most beautiful. Not the alpha and omega of colors, the Jesus and the Judas, the Beauty and the Beast. Not salmon. So I picked it, and boy was it ugly. Just magnificent. Mason hated it, Shitney hated it, everybody hated it. It was one of my greatest days. But then a funny thing happened, I realized that that salmon looked real spankin on my profile. I realized that it was actually the best colour I had ever seen. It was perfect. Around this time, the main EH crew was wiped and Distant Horizon(or The Elite Bard, as it was presently known) became the main crew. And it also happened to get upgraded to Crew status. Now here's a thing I didn't know. Instead of being able to change colours every three days like a gang, a crew can only change it's colour every ten days. It's similar for the name. This made Betty and a few others very, very unhappy. But over that time we were stuck with the ugliest possible colour others began to see it too; it was stunning. It was like Megan Fox with Angelina Jolie's thumbs beautiful. At the end of those 10 days, the salmon color disappeared from stats forever, but it has lived on in our hearts. The fight is not over. No, it is not even yet begun." And with that, this Buzz reporter left Fuckle rambling on to himself and began the very, very long walk back home as he was then way too drunk to drive.

DT0X and Fuckle aren't the only ones trying to steal Tyn's Crew Drunkard Award, Cloudkicker, Zaantje and honestly, it seems a majority of the crew may be in contention for it as every night when this Buzz reporter would visit with a new member of the crew, he'd end up a little tipsy. Although it's collected over three thousand comments in the eighty days they've held their current spot, it is originally surprising they only have one lounge in their forum, but then you must also account for tinynight. For those that don't know, in addition to their private external crew forum and tinychat, DT0X is famous for starting a camera chat forum open to the public. Otaku submitted an advertisement last week on its behalf, so go check it out if you're bored and drink with some members of the community!

After just about nine years, many shootings, wipes, and attacks later, Event Horizon is still here. It seems almost as if they're not only one of the strongest crews on the stats page, but that they're invincible. Alost every player is not only aware of that, but even more aware of Betty and her matriarchal presence for many in the game. In a surprise move to anyone that has read the Buzz before, Betty declined comment! Just kidding, in many lengthy conversations throughout the last week the Buzz would like to thank her for, the ever so pleasant MsBettyB had all the patience in the world for this "noob" reporter, and answered nearly every question asked. In addition to the limited knowledge of the crew already in hand, this reporter went to get opinions from outside sources and hit the game forum in order to present both sides of her story. Most of the feedback (could be surprising to report) was positive, praising respect and appreciation for her, while only a few comments filled of hate and contempt. There was an incredible amount of feedback received, and The Buzz would especially like to thank everyone in the community that contributed and apologizes as (especially with the immense and rich history of EH) there is way too much to include in a brief Crew of the Week article.

Betty was perhaps the only member this Buzz reporter remembers sitting down with to talk with that didn't lead to the eventual inebriation involved with getting a little sloshed. This quite respectable lady had quite a bit of very interesting fun facts and information about their history and shared everything she could remember with the community, but of course our conversation started with quotes presented in this article above, "Fuckle makes me laugh. That being said, EH is not a salmon crew and it would clash with the pics we just got from the contest. Plus it looks horrible on my profile. There is no hope in hell that EH will ever be salmon again." Perhaps the crew will one day be insided by the loyal members that unfortunately bleed salmon and dethrone the ruler that constantly threatens hard kicking, but until and unless that day comes, we may truly never see anything from the Salmon Revolution again, but let's hope not! Back to the subject, she continued on to explain a negative game forum comment of hate accusing that she is an ally of The Family, "A few rounds ago, when The Syndicate was in their prime of controlling the game, we worked with a bunch of crews, TF included, to shoot and try to keep TS from controlling the game. If I'm honest, it was the biggest mistake that the council of EH ever made as far as decisions go. If we'd known then what TF would do to the game, we never would have been part of that group. Hind sight is 20/20. It was years ago though and we've been fighting TF every step of the way ever since." And how true that last statement is! For any that may or may doubt the recent history with EH and TF, it can all be read and learned in the documented and archived Buzz of last round. A brief touch of nostalgia, "Many members have come, many have gone, but the crew has remained. Various sticky periods have tested whether the crew would survive but we're still here, with some golden long term EH members still hanging around." In a surprising twist of events, she mentioned a fun fact that "the vast majority of those who leave EH go on to shoot or inside the crew some time afterwards. Even those who seem unlikely to or have said that they won't, often go on to do it, it seems part of the leaving process with the crew." and before parting ways and returning to tend to more important things, Betty left us on a good note, "The members of EH keep coming back, they work so hard for what they have, for what EH has. I couldn't be more proud of them. What keeps me coming back are the friendships I've made, even if most of those are now with people who are EH."

Fuckle just had to steal the show from Betty one last time before the Buzz ended their visit with an epiphany, a very inspiring salutation, a monumental, life changing goodbye that will bring tears to anyone's eyes, "I'm not sure if this is 100% relevant, but I just dropped some uncooked macaroni on my laptop."




(Note: As mentioned above, The Buzz would like to sincerely thank everyone that donated their time to the making of this article. It would be a 500 page novel if we were to include every bit of information that was received, so we deeply apologize if you were never thanked, never acknowledged or quoted, and/or never responded to.)
Look forward to more to come from Event Horizon as they celebrate nine years in the coming weeks!



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