Sunday, August 5th, 2007
Issue: 34   Editor: Air


The First Day Of A Scum Slice2Dice
This morning I crawled out of my dirty little flat and realized there was a deep flaw in my existence. The lack of criminal activity and danger. So I decided to get myself in on the action that seems to be making other people millions of dollars.

I got dressed, into my half moth eaten clothes, and walked out of the door into the bright light of America. I hoped onto a plane shortly after and left for California, thinking it would be a good place to start my illegal actions.

As I walked through the airport I noticed a woman, not paying much attention to her purse. I walked over to her and slipped my hand into her bag, hoping to get lucky and find a few bucks. The next thing I know I have some heavy smashing my over the head with his baton and I wake up in prison. Oh the joy.

Eventually the guards must of felt pity for me, because for some strange reason after a few minutes I was released from jail, not that I'm complaining about that though.

As I pass various people on the streets I notice some fancy lawyer talking to one of his friends. I fancy my chances at getting fifty bucks from this guys wallet, so I go and try to steal it. Success! I managed to steal his wallet! Apples in the daytime are shiny with the sun's rays! Only to find out that he had no money in it, cheap stiff. So I hurled the wallet at him and walked off.

Seeing as I was feeling a little disheartened by my attempt at a new life within the criminal world I thought I would take it out on the only person lower on the food chain than me, a tramp.

I walked into the smelly and dark alley. I saw someone move at the other end, shuffling through the rubbish. Probably looking for some food or something. I snuck up on the poor bastard and BASH. I slammed the bastard into the wall, knocking him out cold. I fished my hand into his old rags and pulled out a few bucks. Finally my luck started to look up.

As I saw the sun falling over the distance houses I decided it was time to call it a night, before the big boys came out to play in one of these notorious "organized crimes".

I found myself a nice ditch and laid down, hoping to get a few hours sleep before morning. After all tomorrow is another day in the world of a thief.

More to come in "The Second Day As A Scum" . . .