Sunday, December 13th, 2009
Issue: 6   Editor: Mika


Solaris' Gossip Column Solaris
I was pretty much harangued into writing another article for the buzz. Ok, I'm a cunt and I know it and I know this article isn't as good as the last one but I was mainly wanking all week and you fuckers never do anything newsworthy when I need you to. So this is the best you get. Hopefully you'll think it's shit and I can go back to fantasizing about Fivelitre and Nyxxie's dirty sex games.

Need a penis extension? Premature ejaculation issues? Want to buy viagra CHEAP online? Well drag your grudges over from last round. Don't worry everyone will think you're really cool and that you're hung like a donkey.

Essential Facts about your local crew
The Invisibles were my target to interview this week. In another exceptional example of Buzz journalism, I didn't actually contact anyone. I discovered that Himmel likes to wear dresses at the weekend when he plays his dupe account called Mandy. This explains the pink colour their crew has adopted and all the crazy messages in my inbox asking for kinky time.

Is anyone else enjoying the new crime system? I'm considering applying to BSF for some financial relief. If Obama can bail out his banks then BSF can bail mine!! I think I'm going slightly bonkers clicking crimes, just under 10k and probably another 20k to go. By which time I'll get shot and have to start over. When that happens I may just follow last weeks advice and grow a fake vagina.

Speaking of vagina's, I have noticed a lot more females playing recently. I'd like to take credit for this but they were probably always there and I just hadn't climbed off TFKyle yet. The photo album is great though. The latest female addition "Submissive" is awesome. I mean she's definitely no Zora but you don't have to share a bed with Babax as well and that's always a plus side with any sexual encounter. I'm sure some of these photos are just people pimping their sisters or mothers for some free bullets and bit of cybering for an oc or two. If you have to dupe... always make sure it has a vagina! (Who would've expected to see the word Vagina so often in the buzz)

Bored at work? Spam the game forum convincing new members that Thugs really can carry unlimited amounts of booze so long as they travel from NY to Cali. If you can get one in for atleast 24 hrs (86400 seconds) then you get a signed autograph from BSF. Always useful for getting access to his bulging bank account.

I haven't seen much of Lexia this week on the game forum. I've heard she's so overcome with sexual excitement because I mentioned her in my last article that she's making an effort not to look like such a muppet. Well good on you Lex but I don't date men and we all know that no real girls play online games. We like to pretend they do but tucking your dick between your legs does not make you a girl. More's the pity as more guys might actually get laid on here if it were the case.

Player of the week
I've Decided to make Ragazzi Cativa my player(s) of the week for their amazing application form. I've seen less in depth forms to work with children (though i suppose joining them is working with children...).

Here is an exceprt from it

Quote:

1. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
I play bootleggers... I have no real friends

8. If you hold eleven different roses in front of a mirror, How many beautiful things will you see...
one, my face

9. There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads; afraid, confused, without a roadmap. What do you do?
Get out your sat-nav?

10. Do you like long walks on the beach, if so, with who?
Outside? But I don't own a laptop... or mobile internet... How will I survive?


Now the whole thing may be in jest but I think deep down it isn't and that's just fucking hilarious.

Why are people always announcing they're quitting? "I quit... now give me attention, tell me how much you love me and convince me to stay" "no... Fuck off p.s give me all your money". If you wanna quit just bm your close friends and then fuck off. You're clogging up the game forum which is filled with important discussions about world topics like climate change and whether Lexia is secretly a man (if that topic isn't there then feel free to start one, it's worth debating).

Some people who should quit are the tossers who treat this game like a casino. Their only achievement in this game is normally getting in the way during a crew war or buying a bunch of points and shooting someone for no reason. They're a nuisance to themselves and their bank balance. These things alone might be bearable if they didn't fucking whine about it constantly in the forum... shutup you cunt, no-one cares.

Some people are still being scammed... WTF is wrong with you?? Tell them you'll get ready when they set the %. If they refuse then they're trying to scam you. You're a fool and licking my scrotum is all you're good for.

Disclaimer - The thoughts and feelings expressed in this article are the authors only and The buzz does not take responsibility for any offence caused. If you're offended by anything found within then you're a fucktard, go lick a window